How can someone that is not in your life has such an extreme effect on your day????
My kids’ father, we have been separated for almost 3 years. I am going on 14 years of knowing him. He is married, currently locked up in another state with his new wife, and yet is still having a profound negative reaction on my life. How????
I get assistance from the state for daycare, for my daughter. It is the only way that I am making it right now. I do not have 700.00 to pay out of pocket for her. Our state daycare is linked to our public aid system, and you have to have your case redetermined every six months. Mine is currently at that state. I get a letter saying that I am going to get cancelled because it is showing in the public aid system that my kid’s father lives with me. In order to get this changed I would need to go to public aid during working hours, which is the exact hours I am at work. Yesterday was the cut off, yesterday was also an appointment for my 12 year old who we just found out he has anemia, it was for the specialist, first time appointment, I had to cancel. If I don’t cancel the appointment, get to public aid, get the system switched, get on the phone with the daycare, I will lose my funding. I get to public aid, I am called quickly, the case worker updates the system, I leave, get on the phone with daycare, tell them it is set, the woman walks my case over to the specialist, everything is al good. Right? Wrong. Get a call later from daycare stating that the system is not updated. She will give it til Thursday. Anxiety waiting game begins. All because my kid’s father used my address at some point in time and it got through to public aid. That is really not that big of a deal right? Simple. No.
Yesterday, I decided to go through a detailed report of my credit. $28,818.00 in debt, on my credit. $17,000.00 directly from him. The rest? Directly associated with him and things I was not able to pay, due to him. I also owe the government about $30,000.00. I was filing unemployment while working. He was either working and taking his checks, or taking whatever was in my account weekly, or not working at all. It was the only thing I could do to survive. Then I went to thinking of all the times I bailed him out of jail, fixed cars he totaled, paid for DUI’s, court costs, probation fees, drug habits………….if I had to guess, this man cost me well over $70,000.00. I will be paying off my credit and unemployment back pay for years just to get it fixed.
As I sit here thinking……..how can he still be doing this to me? I want to move on, I want to be better, I want to be happy. Things that he has done just keep popping up in my life getting in the way of that. It’s like how much negative of an effect can one person have on your life when they aren’t in your life anymore??????
He has done any and everything he can to destroy me, whether it is direct or through my kids. Which yes he does. He knows if he hurts my kids, I hurt. That is was makes this even worse. My kids are fabulous kids. Through everything they have witnessed and been put through, they are amazing to me. Don’t get me wrong, they are not perfect, but I can honestly say that 85% of the time they make it so easy to be a single Mom of 4. I can sit here and say I regret meeting their Dad, but I can’t. Without him, I wouldn’t have them. I am the only constant thing that they have ever had. I am the one that never leaves. I am the one that makes sure they have what they need, I try to get what they ask for. They accept our struggle, they get it.
I suppose in that way I win. But in other ways………I lose. I still have to deal with the daily pain of the pure destruction their Dad did to me, and now dealing with even more past that he destroyed……..I have PTDS mainly because of him, depression, him. If he had not put me through the worst mental and physical hell that I have ever known or felt or witnessed, I honestly believe that I wouldn’t be as mentally destroyed that I am. And although he is out of my life, he still exists every fucking day.